By John Hansen
Any Man who professes to love his kid(s) but disrespects his wife or former spouse and continues abusive behavior even past a divorce…. DOES NOT love his kids.
If he really did love his kids, he would see this woman, the other parent, the MOM….as a team member, an asset to the success of HIS child and seek to maximize her happiness and positive disposition so she can give her all. Mothers are the backbone of any successful nation and the MOST influential person in your child’s life other than you, the father.
It’s tough enough being a Single Mom, but in Utah in a lot of ways it’s even harder. I have my theories on why. Pretenders prevail. Judgement rather than Christ-like acceptance and love seem to be the norm. Ugliness and mean-spirited actions dominate as well as douchebaggery. The”happily-ever-after-you” is hoped for, but not often realized or even allowed and is intentionally sabotaged. It is amazing what some single mom’s have had to endure and it bothers me.
Because kids are part of the equation, things don’t change as quickly as they would without them and I have watched with sadness the effects of negative behavior that come through forced interaction and exchanges with the kids caught in the middle, sometimes used as weapons or pawns. This is wrong.
GUYS. If you love the Kids as much as you claim to on Facebook and Tinder, PROVE IT! LET HER GO! She is not a possession. Stop the mean and stop the control. Step up, BUT on her terms if they are healthy. Cede control and get on the same page with her. Protect. Love. Co-parent gracefully with intention and positivity. Take care of your DAD STUFF and the needs of your kids. Be honest and loving and teach your kids how a man should act and how a woman should be treated. Do this by example. Serve others. Give. Be a Hero. Do it with your SONS, so they can see how things should be.
Love your legacy by nurturing your partner. Go to war for your family. Protect them from the chaos that is overflowing from a world that needs a major redirection. Get help if you need to so you can adjust your perspective. If we take a step back and see each interaction as an opportunity to build our kids through building a stronger teammate, you can come to a place of love and just make things work. It is awesome. It makes life so much better.
The way I see it, I won’t find anyone ELSE that is as invested and loves my son, Chase, as much as I do, except his Mom. If I love him I must love her. I am extremely thankful for her. It makes sense to me that I would support her and do what I can to ensure she is happy, safe, and better than ok. She in turn supports me as a dad. She is my partner and that is most important to me.
I not only say that I love Chase, I show it in how I treat his mother and others, in my actions, not just through Instagram pictures and staged selfies, or exciting trips to Disneyland and un-needed stuff to buy his affection and attention…..but in conscious moments of engineered parenting and experiences. I call this being a Good Dad and logical love based co-parenting.
No one taught me this, it is just how I think and see things. I want to be a good example of what a Man should be and I believe that from a young age kids are forming their behavior, beliefs, and ideas based on what they see their parents do. Kids GET IT. They feel it. They are sponges and totally take in the world around them.
I want my son to grow up to be not just a Man….but a GOOD Man. A Warrior! Someone who will Hero. He should have the best chances in life despite MY choices and have the tools and the life skills to navigate a hostile world with complicated challenges, pitfalls, and things that keep me up at night. I think about how to protect him from it, how to protect his mother – the other half of his team who would do anything for him.
Kids thrive best and have successful life outcomes when both biological parents are actively involved and ON THE SAME PAGE. Conscious fathering and the influence of a positive male role model is critical in correcting some dilemmas we face as a nation. Our communities needs Good Dads, that are present, but also teachers by example, that know how to ground their emotions and love their kids enough to shift behavior and realign the focus to what matters.
Let me add that the same holds true for women. Ladies please respect men. Help build good Men. You’re not responsible for this, but I don’t think you have a choice. You do not realize your power. YOU don’t have to wait for the good guys to come. You can create them. Reward what you DO want and not the behavior you don’t want.
If a father is willing to teach, mentor, and guide his children or others that are fatherless, empower them to do so. Get behind them. Get some assistance so you know how to create boundaries and share in the parenting. What will our nation be if our boys are raised by overextended mothers and dads that are absent and/or unavailable to them?
I’m not perfect by any means and during my own comeback from a darker place, I have stumbled on my journey, but I have learned so much. I have grown. I have made mistakes. I am human. BUT if there is any indication of the type of Man and Father I am, it is evident in my relationship with Chase’s Mother and the bond I have fostered with my Son. I am a Good Dad and I know it.
I have loved being a dad more than I ever thought I would. I had no idea he would change me the way he has. Taking a two-year break from life, work, and my chaos to adventure with my son, forever changed me in ways that I could have never anticipated. Love unlocks us all in amazing ways and can serve as a catalyst for great change. I changed. Now I want to Chase Big Dreams for the sake of my son and the love I have for him.
I love you son…THIS MUCH!